Why is grief and loss so hard to talk about and how does that impact our healing process?

Written by Alchemy Therapy’s grief and loss specialist, Jasa Stone.

We don’t talk about grief enough. Despite its universal nature, grief is often misunderstood, sidestepped, or rushed. Yet, it’s an inevitable part of being human but what no one talks about is how messy it really gets. As a grief and loss therapist, I’ve seen the impact of this phenomenon in my practice when clients feel isolated, alone, or stuck in their experience of grief. This realization had me curious on WHY grief and loss is such a taboo topic in our culture so I dove into the research and what I found was shocking!

A study by the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center done in 2025 found that roughly 70% of Americans endorse a high level of discomfort or avoidance when it comes to talking about death, loss, and the grieving process. Furthermore, another study done in 2021 found that a majority of Americans admitted they felt awkward or unsure about how to help someone who is grieving. Using these statistics as a starting point, I began to explore the factors that contribute to the discomfort, avoidance, and awkwardness surrounding such a universal human experience—something my clients often bring up in therapy. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Our culture emphasizes positivity and “moving on”. There is a societal expectation to bounce back and maintain a sense of normalcy after a loss. The idea of “getting over” grief is tied to the broader cultural norm of positive thinking and emotional self-sufficiency. In fact, the book Grief in America: A Cultural View (by Kenneth Doka) suggests that American society has a tendency to value productivity over emotional expression, which can make sustained grief seem counterproductive or uncomfortable. Furthermore, this emphasis on moving forward can pressure individuals to suppress their emotions or not show vulnerability, as long-lasting grief can be perceived as a sign of weakness or inability to cope, reinforcing stigma.

2. We believe “time heals all”. There is a widespread belief that time should alleviate grief naturally, and after a certain period, people are expected to return to their daily lives. This expectation often leads to the silencing of grief. Those who continue to mourn may feel isolated or ashamed for not adhering to the cultural norm of “moving on,” which can reinforce the sense that grief should be something private and temporary.

3. We medicalize grief in our culture. The 5 stages of grief myth (yes, it is a myth!) likened the grieving process to a step-by-step protocol that one must go through, which created a cultural belief that grieving is something that needs to be fixed or managed.

4. Grief is an uncomfortable emotion. Grief involves deep pain and sadness, emotions that many people try to avoid or suppress because they are often uncomfortable and difficult to manage. In a society that prizes happiness, optimism, and success, emotions like sadness, loss, and vulnerability are often viewed as unacceptable or undesirable. this feeling of failure if one does not recover in the way society expects. Many people in American society avoid talking about death because they don’t know how to respond or are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Research in grief counseling shows that the anxiety surrounding how to offer support often leads to inaction or discomfort, which perpetuates the isolation of the grieving.

So, what do I want those struggling with grief and loss to know?

I don’t believe grief is something to fix or get over. It’s not a task with a neat checklist but a transformative process that alters the very core of our being. It marks both the absence of someone we loved and the loss of who we were when they were alive.

It’s imperative to change your perspective of grief not just as a feeling, but a journey. Over time, grief carves out a deep space in our hearts, which fills with compassion, understanding, and a deeper appreciation for life. It reminds us of the fragility of existence and the strength of the human spirit.

Radical acceptance is a vital part of healing from grief and loss. This involves acknowledging that the person, relationship, or situation we’ve lost will not return and that life is forever altered. Acceptance doesn’t erase the pain but creates space for healing and growth, inviting us to live courageously in reality instead of wishing things were different.

If you’re struggling with grief or loss, know that you’re not alone. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finding a way to carry your love and loss forward.

How can grief and loss therapy help?

Provides a Safe, Non-Judgmental Space: Therapy offers a confidential and supportive environment where individuals can express their grief without fear of being judged or misunderstood. This can be particularly valuable in our culture where grief is often stigmatized or avoided.

Helps Process and Make Sense of Complex Emotions: Grief can involve a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. A skilled grief and loss therapist can help individuals navigate these emotions, understand that they are normal, and assist in processing them in a healthy way, which can prevent unresolved grief from turning into long-term psychological distress or trauma.

Teaches Coping Strategies and Builds Resilience: Therapy provides tools and coping strategies to manage the pain of grief, such as mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and ways to reframe negative thoughts. This helps individuals not only cope with the immediate emotional impact of loss but also gradually build resilience for the future.

As a therapist, I’ve worked extensively with individuals navigating the complexities of grief and loss. Through advanced training in mindfulness-based practices, I help clients create space for their pain while rediscovering moments of peace and connection. My approach combines compassion, practical tools, and a commitment to walking alongside you as you heal.

As a therapist in Colorado, I provide therapy to individuals and couples. I provide in-person therapy in Frisco, CO and virtual telehealth therapy for clients across Colorado. I specialize in treating grief, loss, and trauma utilizing a holistic approach. I also offer Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy in Summit County. Reach out to schedule a free 15 minute consultation today!