Breaking Free from Parentification: Reclaiming Your Inner Child
Do you ever feel like you were the parent in your own family?
Have you always carried the weight of other people’s emotions, even as a child?
Do you struggle with hyper-independence or feel guilty when you try to prioritize yourself?
If any of this resonates, you may have experienced parentification—a phenomenon where a child is forced into an adult role due to emotionally immature or unavailable parents. Children have limited emotional development and taking on this role has long term impacts. In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen how this dynamic can create deep-seated patterns of anxiety, people-pleasing, and self-neglect in adulthood.
Parentification happens when a parent relies on their child for emotional support. As Dr. Nicole LePera so powerfully explains, this often leads children to suppress their own needs to maintain the fragile balance of their family. And research shows that children of parentification are more likely to have depression, anxiety, aggressive/violent behavior, poor academic performance, and trouble having/keeping relationships.
The Hidden Cost of Becoming a 'Little Adult'
In working with clients, I’ve noticed a common thread among those who were parentified as children. Many of them struggle with hyper-independence, finding it difficult to trust others or ask for help. Some feel responsible for everyone else’s emotions and have difficulty setting boundaries. Others carry a deep sense of exhaustion, as if they’ve been “on duty” their entire lives.
Children who grow up this way often appear wise beyond their years. They become the “responsible one,” the fixer, the emotional rock in a family built on shaky foundations. But beneath that maturity lies an inner child who never had space to play, to express emotions freely, or to feel unconditionally supported.
Signs You’ve Experienced Parentification
You’re overly concerned with other people’s emotions & believe you’re responsible for them
You believe it’s your role to save, fix, or rescue other people
You neglect your own needs
You feel like your entire family’s happiness depends on you
How Does It Show Up
It depends who you ask! Parentification does not manifest the same way in every child. Gender roles and societal expectations often shape how parentified daughters and sons experience and express their burdens.
The Parentified Daughter:
Raised to think of everyone before herself. At a young age she becomes the mediator between fighting parents, the sibling that gets other siblings ready, the therapist to her mother, or the confidant to her father. It’s a role reversal that leaves her own emotional needs completely neglected.
Feels responsible for maintaining family harmony, absorbing the emotions of others while neglecting her own.
By her 20’s she’s a people pleaser. Terrified to say no. She feels like she’s done something wrong for “no reason.”— a telltale sign she’s been parentified. When she thinks about doing something (anything) for herself she instantly thinks of what other people will think of it. And the thought of disappointing people is so crippling, she’ll do anything she can to avoid it.
The Parentified Son:
Because his needs were never met, he learned his only role was to appease. To put everyone before himself. To not establish boundaries. And to work as hard as he possibly could to be the successful one.
He became the “good guy” or “the man of the house”. He went silent, and now struggles with vulnerability and may even feel unworthy unless he’s being useful or productive.
He’s done everything “right” but all he feels is depressed, unappreciated, and confused why his life wasn’t bringing him fulfillment.
By beginning to understand these patterns and bringing your awareness to how they show up in your life, you can begin to reclaim your authentic self, freeing yourself from roles you were never meant to play.
Steps Toward Healing
Healing from parentification is possible, and it starts with learning how to reparent yourself—giving yourself the love, care, and protection you didn’t receive as a child. Here are some key steps I work on with my clients:
Learning what boundaries are, how to set them, + how to keep them
Learning what your needs are + how to meet them (parentified children typically are unaware of their own needs because a parent never helped meet them)
Self Compassion: being kind to yourself. Experiencing parentification can be extremely traumatic, confusing, + scary. Being kind to your inner child as you heal is so important
Healing from parentification isn’t just about setting boundaries or meeting your needs—it’s also about reclaiming the joy, playfulness, and spontaneity that were stolen from you. Give yourself permission to engage in activities that spark excitement, whether that’s dancing, painting, exploring nature, or simply laughing without restraint.
Parentification can feel isolating, but you are not alone in this journey. The work of Dr. Nicole LePera and other holistic psychologists reminds us that healing is not only possible but necessary. You deserve relationships where you are valued for who you are—not for what you can provide.
So, ask yourself today:What can I do for myself in this moment?Because your needs, your happiness, and your inner child matter—now more than ever.
As a therapist in Colorado, I provide therapy to individuals and couples. I provide in-person therapy in Frisco, CO and virtual telehealth therapy for clients across Colorado. I specialize in treating grief, loss, and trauma utilizing a holistic approach. I also offer Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy in Summit County. Reach out to schedule a free 15 minute consultation today!